Parenting, Yogic Philosophy and Sadhana (daily spiritual practise)

I miss warm cups of tea. I miss the feeling of holding the warm cup between my hands, and watching the swirling steam rise from the mug. I miss inhaling its sweet smell as I bring it closer to my face, ready to take that first sip that is like a big warm hug. It was my morning ritual – a ritual I perhaps never appreciated enough. Since having my beautiful daughter Grace, this ritualistic practise doesn’t happen often. By the time I get to my tea now, it’s always cold. That is one part of my ‘old’ life, my pre-motherhood life, I miss.

Since having a child, the way I have practised my daily Sadhana, or my daily spiritual practise, has changed, but ultimately for the better. Your sadhana could be your daily yoga, meditation, chanting or reading sacred literature. Although I may not get as much time (or on some days any time) to practise asana on my mat, or to sit down and quietly meditate, or indeed to enjoy a warm cup of tea since becoming a mother, I have surrendered into what is – my devotional path is to serve my daughter. In Swami Gurupremananda Saraswati's book Mother as First Guru, she expressed that motherhood in itself can be your daily Sadhana: 

"Your motherhood is a sadhana in itself – if you choose to make it so. By performing its duties with concentration, love and higher awareness, the spiritual benefits and outcomes can be identical to that of the usual close- eyed yoga. It all comes down to attitude and skill in the performance of the practice.”

Further to this, Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh sums it nicely when he said, “The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.” We are reborn when we become mothers, because motherhood is transformative. It has been the most beautiful yet challenging yoga sadhana of my life. Swami Saraswati once said the spiritual benefits from motherhood can be identical to that of the usual close-eyed yoga. But I would go further and say that the sadhana of motherhood can be stronger than that of close-eyed yoga, if we allow it to be.

Motherhood is challenging. But it needs to be challenging because significant transformation cannot happen without obstacles. It goes well beyond the physical changes – yes, there is in an increase in responsibilities, but there is also a new sense of love you have never felt before – an absolute unconditional love for your child. For that reason, being a mother redefines you – everything else comes second. But that doesn’t mean the challenging times aren’t hard. Like when I have gently sung and rocked Grace peacefully to sleep for what feels like hours in my arms, then I gently put her down and she immediately opens those big brown eyes, or indeed when I have a warm cup of tea in my hands and as soon as I go to take that delicious first sip, she starts crying – it is in these moments that Grace helps me to practise Ahimsa (non-violence). When negative internal dialogue begins to rear its ugly head, Grace reminds me to surrender into what is (Ishvara-pranidhana) by letting go of the negative feelings and replacing them with compassionate feelings and acts instead. So, on most days, instead of getting upset with her, I take a few deep breathes then I pick her up and start singing and rocking her again. Grace is my guru - she reminds me that motherhood is my daily sadhana.

Motherhood has also helped me to recognise the importance of practising Ahimsa towards myself. Naturally, as women, most mothers put ourselves last – our family always come first. However, as Canadian politician Norm Kelly said, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” Personally, this has been, and continues to be, a big learning curve for me, particularly during the newborn stage. I need to accept that the house is not always going to be clean – and that’s okay. Or that my post-baby body is not going to look, or feel, like it did before, and it may never look like that again – but that’s okay because my incredible body has grown a human and is now supporting her life! Or that it is okay to ask family and friends for help when I need it – there should be no sense of shame in asking her help as, like the African proverb says, “it takes a village to raise a child.” Or that it is okay to get professional help when I need it. Being a mother means we have to constantly reminding ourselves and each other that we are good enough in those tougher moments, when our eyes aren’t closed practising meditation. We need to have compassion towards ourselves first because we cannot support our family if we are completely depleted.

Having a child has made me more aware of the all the yamas and niyamas in my life, and has been an intensive dive into Svadhyaya (self study). Since having Grace, I am continuing to be more aware of my Satya (truthfullness). If I want Grace to be a kind, compassionate, honest and caring human, I need to stay true to my values, and speak, think and act my truth – I need to lead through example. I am the first to admit that I don’t always speak my truth everyday. After all, parents are human too and make mistakes. And that’s okay because motherhood is a constant practise, and one I try to reflect on everyday. As long as I can show her that I am trying my best to lead through example for her sake, I believe I am doing a good job.

One incredible aspect of motherhood is the ability to make us slow down in a fast-paced world. We can choose to slow down with our children while they discover the world with pure joy, awe, amusement and wonder. The beauty of this is it is in everyday moments! It can be while Grace is breastfeeding, when we lovingly gaze into each others eyes while she suckles, and I feel like crying (and sometimes do!) tears of absolute joy. Or it can be something as simple as her finding a blade of grass and wanting to show me how incredibly beautiful and unique this blade of grass really is. It is these precious moments, when we are both completely present, that you could not ask for a better practise of sadhana. It is an absolute gift to be part of those moments with her – I could not find a more grounding experience. To watch your child discover the world is one of the greatest gifts you could ask for, and, for me anyway, makes me truly feel alive. As the author Bryant McGill once said, “Our children are our greatest teachers if we are humble enough to receive their lessons.” This is karma yoga, the path of service all mothers are on. Like all spiritual pursuits, the path of motherhood is not easy. It asks us to do more and be better for the sake of our children but, in return, it gives in much greater ways. That is why I can deal with my cold cups of tea.